Friday, December 14, 2012

YOU are not a failure (and neither am I)!

I was having a super emotional day yesterday.  I don't know if it was because my "baby" turned 7 or if it was because I found out my mom is moving back to Missouri or if it was just the mounting pressures of being a mom in December.  Between trying to come up with funny and interesting things to do with our Elf on The Shelf,

having birthday parties for my now 7 year old,

buying Christmas presents, purchasing and putting up a Christmas tree,

 keeping the animals out of aforementioned Christmas tree,

making an endless array of scarves for gifts,

attending and making food for the numerous parties and work pot lucks I'm obligated to attend, trying to relearn fractions and algebra and explain it so a first grader can understand,

and being sick on top of it all,

well I kind of just felt totally drained and like a complete failure yesterday.

The fact that my amazing, wonderful daughter decided to throw a temper tantrum last night which included her tossing all of her clothes on the floor, including the dirty ones in the hamper, certainly did not help my fragile mind set.

I went to bed early and completely overslept.  I'm simply worn out.  Driving into work this morning, trying to caffeinate myself enough to get through the day, I started thinking of how life might have been for moms of past generations.

There were no flashcards, there was no sign language (unless you were deaf), there were no organic free-range bento boxes.  Your job was just to see a kid through to adulthood and hope they didn't become an idiot.  I'm not saying other generations didn't have it tough, but we are part of a generation that considers parenting to be a skill that needs to be liked, tweeted and instagrammed all at once.

We live in a time where we can Google everything, share ideas and expose our children to amazing opportunities, but with that, most moms feel that they need to keep on top of working outside of the home, scrapbooking, weight loss, memory books, Pinterest crafts, crock pot meals, car seat recalls, sleeping patterns, poo consistency, pro-biotic supplements, swimming lessons, gymnastics, basketball, electromagnetic fields in your home and poison in your plastic.  It's fucking hard.

We feel like if we don't get all of those things perfect, our kids will grow up to be aforementioned complete idiots.  And lets not forget, we also have to deal with the in your face, the crime didn't happen yet, but it's already on Facebook age of media.  We feel that the world we live in is simply unsafe.  We have this sense of constant fear that everywhere you turn a bad guy is waiting to get you or your kids or your family.  I blur out details of our lives in my blog, I have a friend who blogs and she completely changed her kids names.  We drop our kids off at school hoping we'll see them again when we pick them up. My daughter not only has fire drills at school, but they have monthly active shooter drills.

I don't answer my door unless I'm expecting someone and I trained my kids early on to do the same.

This is all new people.  My mom and her mom and her mom before that didn't have to deal with any of this shit. The world was probably almost just as unsafe then as it is now, but they simply didn't hear about it constantly and therefore didn't have an ominous sense of dread and fear every minute of every day.  

But even with all of that, it is in fact an amazing and exciting time to have a child right now, but keep in mind, no one has ever done it like this before.  Moms today are pioneers.  We need to figure out how to march through this new terrain without feeling like failures.  Because we aren't.  I'm not.  You're not.  We need to stick together and remember, we are NOT failures.  We're mothers doing the best we know how to do. 


  1. I was just talking with some moms yesterday about how different life is than when I was a kid. At 7 years old, I came home to an empty house for two hours every day. Can you imagine?

    I played and rode my bike all over the neighborhood and my mom didn't know where I was.

    Now, I get to be terrified every day about gunmen coming into school and killing my kids.

    I'm ready to build a commune in Northern Minnesota.

  2. Let me know if you need help building it. You can be president and I'll be your vice :)

    And me too. I was in second or third grade when I stopped going to after school day care and just went home by myself after school. I would never let my kids do that today. Still I'm not sure if the world is so different. We just hear about EVERY bad thing now and it takes a toll. Think about the nuclear bomb drills of the 50s. Now we have active shooter drills. Both are scary things. I saw a picture on Pinterest from the 40s of a nurse holding a baby, both with gas masks on. The world has always been a scary place.